Aug
4
Kissing Joshua Harris Goodbye (or Not)
In case you hadn’t heard, Joshua Harris (no relation), one of the leading lights of “purity culture”, is no longer promoting the practices he wrote about in the popular I Kissed Dating Goodbye (1997/2003). But, this is only part of the serious and surprising changes going on with Harris.
Harris would follow up that first book (written while in his early 20s) with others on a Christian approach to relationships, sex, and marriage. Meanwhile, he was groomed by megachurch pastor C.J. Mahaney to take over as lead pastor of Covenant Life Church in Gaithersburg, MD, which he did in 2004 at age 30(ish). He remained there until resigning in 2015. (He now works as a speaker and marketing consultant.)
In recent years, Harris has reevaluated his position on dating and expressed regret for the negative impact that some believe resulted from following his earlier writings. Perhaps at least as shocking — at least to his “followers” and Christians in general — were the revelations of the past few days that he is not only divorcing his wife of 21 years but that he no longer considers himself a “Christian”. Here is part of his Instagram announcement:
“The information that was left out of our [divorce] announcement is that I have undergone a massive shift in regard to my faith in Jesus. The popular phrase for this is ‘deconstruction,’ the biblical phrase is ‘falling away.’ By all measurements that I have for defining a Christian, I am not a Christian….
I have lived in repentance for the past several years — repenting of my self-righteousness, my fear-based approach to life, the teaching of my books, my views of women in the church, and my approach to parenting to name a few. But I specifically want to add to this list now: to the LGBTQ+ community, I want to say that I am sorry for the views that I taught in my books and as a pastor regarding sexuality. I regret standing against marriage equality, for not affirming you and your place in the church, and for any ways that my writing and speaking contributed to a culture of exclusion and bigotry. I hope you can forgive me….”
Joshua Harris giving a TedX Talk
I never read any of Harris’ books, but from what I understand, I would probably appreciate some of his early teaching. Still, I am less concerned with that part of his “evolution” than about his “falling away” from the Christian faith. Much of what he is apologizing for above is evidence that he has fallen (no pun intended) for much of the unbiblical “cultural gospel” that is so popular today. Very sad. With everything considered, I can only imagine what those who are “fans” of his — either as author or pastor — must be feeling about it all.
C. Michael Patton of Credo House has written a piece in which he addresses the question of: “How NOT to React to Joshua Harris’ Announcement”. Patton lists four points, the first three of which I will quote from briefly. I will finish up by citing a bit more from Patton’s fourth point and conclusion. I hope it’s helpful and encourage you to read his article in its entirety.
1. Don’t assume you know the answers to why he has disavowed.
The fact is that Harris did not say why he no longer considers himself a Christian. We may not like the ambiguity of his announcement, but I don’t think any of us are close enough to the situation to know what happened (even if we think we can read implications here and there from interviews and social media posts). Until he comes out and says why he did this, I think it is wise to remain silent and give him a chance to gather the strength to explain.
2. It’s okay to feel anger, hurt, and weakened by this loss
We are a community of believers and rely very heavily on each other both emotionally and intellectually. We are weak. When someone we love and/or respect stumbles into serious sin or falls away from the faith, only then do we realize how much we were leaning on them.
It’s okay to feel hurt. It’s okay to feel like your faith is affected by the loss of another’s faith. It is natural. Even the strongest of Christians are deeply impacted when a brother or sister falls away from the faith. It’s normal to feel insecurity due to their loss.
3. Do not rashly condemn him
Again, we don’t really know what is going on. It is hard to judge. I would hope he gives his reasons in the days to come for his change in more detail, but for now, unless you are in some spiritual authority over him or he has asked you for your opinion, you can’t really condemn him….
Ultimately, all we can say is that if Joshua Harris has truly left the faith, then it is because he was not of the faith: “They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would have continued with us. But they went out, that it might become plain that they all are not of us.” — 1 John 2:19 (ESV)
4. Do not think this is necessarily a bad thing
First, let us imagine that Harris is a true believer and he is struggling with his faith. I do hold out that this is a possibility due to the experience I have had with people in the past. So many people I thought would never come back to the faith have come back and revealed that they didn’t ever really leave Christ, they just took a prodigal walkabout. I know that Harris denied Christianity. But has he denied Christ? You say to me, “If you deny Christianity, you deny Christ.” Technically, yes. But, often, subjectively, especially in today’s world, people will distinguish between Christianity and Christ, the Church and Christ, and Religion and Christ. I don’t know what Harris’ relationship with Christ is like at this point. And until he gives us more intel and endures in his unbelief, I don’t see any reason to give up all hope that he is in Christ.
Second, let us imagine that he is not a true believer and has renounced Christ. Well, according to John, he has done this because he is not really of us, for, if he was of us, he would have stayed. But isn’t it better to be an honest unbeliever than a diluted believer? I can work with someone whose sickness has yet to be healed more than one who has the sickness without evidencing any of the symptoms.
It is tragic if this comes to an end that finds him at enmity with God for all eternity. But we don’t have to see him as a damned soul. And we don’t have to feel guilt for the pain we feel at such a tremendous perceived loss that the church may suffer from his absence. He truly is a gifted and thoughtful individual and I wish him the best.
A fair assessment and honest-yet-gracious words. Thanks, Michael.
